The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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