I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
