Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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