By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
