New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
