I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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