i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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