i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
