Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
