I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
