i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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