Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
