you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
