Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
