the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
