Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
