I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
