I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
