Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
