Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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