You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
