the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
