Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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