oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he wants to bone in the snuggie
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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