the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
