Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
