He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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