my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
