I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
two words...techno handjob
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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