I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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