just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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