By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
