Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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