Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
