This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
