Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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