i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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