In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
