I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
