Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
