Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
