i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
and i looked up. we had an audience...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
