Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
