Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
