i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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