this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
