I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
