I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I deserve this hangover.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
