3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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