I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
